A Third Charm

So I’ve been meaning to tell you about my third visit to marriage counseling. We had to feel out our family history both physical and mental I guess he wants to know if crazy runs in the family. I hate filling out these kinds of forms and sadly I’ve done it before. The way I look at it he's trying to find a reason for me being so messed up meaning what my parents did to me as child. Well I have a basic news flash I don't go in for all that blaming the parents crap unless they left marks from the beatings or they sexually messed with you or verbally messed you up. And the verbal is very iffy.

I don't know I don't like to think I have so little control over my mind even at a young age. I don't know I don't know all the answers I just don't want to spend my time hating my parents for how they raised me.

So he talked about the wife's history and just a little counseling over all. The thing I wanted to talk about that's still bugging me is this, "I don't think you’re (me and my wife) personalities match enough that you'll ever be able to be real close, but I think I can help you make it work enough to be happy" what the Hell does that mean?!

What’s the point of going to a counselor if they can only help us get close enough to be happy but not real close. Isn’t that the point of being married! To be the closest with that one person and be happy. To be able to be everything with that person and not have regrets? I don't want it to "work" I want it to be great and wonderful and happy. I don't want to settle and from how I look at what the counselor is saying is we're settling even if we are happy, but how can I be happy about that. I don't want my wife settling for me when she could have so much more with someone else.

I sometimes wonder if this is going to help or if he's knows it's doomed and he just wants to milk some money out of us.

I sound bitter but I’m just a little disappointed and I was hoping for more.

Until the next flip