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Strange Guy Update

he came in on wednesday and didn't say anything and didn't have his metallic briefcase with him so i'm thinking he's crazy or the meeting with the senators didn't go so well.

After Three Days I Have Returned

I know you've missed me oh so bad so I had to come back and tell you the news. I’m feeling a hint better but that hint is great!

While I was away sick I watched the Godfather Pts I & II and I noticed this time how great our families are compared to what they could be like no family is as bad as that.

So I want to talk about how hairy I am.

It really surprises me how hairy I am. I mean come on I was a late bloomer and so by the time the hair started to come in I was thrilled and wanting more. Long ago I lost the excitement and I keep wondering if it will ever stop. Now part of it is my fault, my chest mostly. When it came in I was 19 or so and it was taking its time, so I did what men around the world are warned not to do. I shaved my chest in certain areas to encourage the growth. Well it worked too well.
I’m 29 now and my back is starting to grow its own hair well it's been growing in the last five years, and steadily spreading. My wife talked me into waxing my back and at first it hurt like a bugger and she said it wouldn't grow back as thick as before well she was wrong.
It’s like a plague or something as it spreads down my back and chest and arms. I don't have the hair glow yet, (ya know when a shirtless guy has a peculiar glow from a distance and when you get closer you realize the glow is his hair that encompasses his body.)Yeah thankfully it isn't that bad but I could give magnum PI or Robin Williams a run for their money.
I went camping once and decided to go skinny dipping, I thought I was alone but it turns out once I made it to the shore three kids started screaming and crying about a Bigfoot. I freaked out and started to look around to see if I could see it and then I noticed they were all pointing at me, boy that was a low moment in my life. Needless to say I don’t get naked in nature anymore.

I Hate the Mail

I can see by the internet that my package i've been waiting on arrived at my post office on the 21st and it's the 26th and i still don't have th package. I'm a but confused.
really i'm confused in a lot of different parts of my life.

whenever i get sick i always seem to get a little depressed, i wonder why that is?

i spent the first part of the day at a defensive driving class and now i'm getting ready for the wednesday rush of kids to come and hang out at the library and argue over the computers as they can get onto my space i hate that stupid site.

i really want to take a four story leap off of a building right about now

Hot Showers and Stuffy Heads

You'll have to excuse me while I listen to Pearl Jam's song that's posted on Amazon.com "Life Wasted" it's amazing.

So needless to report that my allergies/asthma/cold are still thriving in my head and body. And you'd think a hot shower would help things but in fact it made me feel even worse, so stick that in your butter.

o.k. I’m behind on blog issues I want to bring up but this one is big and I can't in all good conscious not tell you about it in case the guy ends up not being crazy.


So last week from Wednesday to Thursday we had this strange older guy living at the library in one of our conference rooms. he carried an oversized metal briefcase the kind you see in movies that the drug dealers carry their money in, so for the two days he was here he carried the thing with him everywhere even when he left the room to go and get a drink from the water fountain, or when he would come up and ask us for random odd things, like a calendar from 2004 or a star chart. He said he was working on something very important for the government but couldn't get into so we just assumed he was crazy and smiled. At one point he asked if we had a shredder, I told him we do and he asked if it would be ok for him to shred the documents himself so I said sure. From that point on he would help himself to our shredder at odd times and would watch the paper to make sure all of it made it through before leaving. the next weird thing was one day he asked one of the other employees to watch the briefcase (I don't know what he had to do that he couldn't take it with him (he took it into the restroom with him)) he told the employee that if anything should happen to the case that the government would be coming after the employee as well as him so not to take his eyes off of it.
yesterday I was talking to one of our elderly patrons that come in daily and he told me that he went to lunch with the guy, and they talked about the weird conversation they had about how this guy was in the Regan administration, but couldn't talk about what he did for Regan, and how whatever it was that he was working on was for a big meeting in D.C. with some senators. He also told our regular patron that he was staying at the monastery (I guess they still offer sanctuary (which is very cool)). so anyways the last thing the guy told our patron is to watch for his name in the news in the coming weeks because something big is going to happens, so to protect this guy from whoever he was hiding from I won't tell you his name but I’m going to be keeping an eye out for his name in the papers and I’ll let you all know if I see it.

Kids and Runny Noses

I helped in my first Discovery Time today. It's a thing the library does to entertain toddlers while their moms visit and give you weird looks that boarder line inappropriate and disgust. I enjoyed reading to the little munchkins but due to my illness/allergies my nose wanted to run.

I'm trying to get my class schedules to workout so I can be done with grad. School by Sep of next year, but I’m having a hard time getting into my prerequisite classes. Anyways I got two of the five for this summer and two more this fall and I’m hoping by spring I can finish the last one. By taking three classes each semester and going this summer and next I’ll be all done, if the classes will work out.

Now I have to figure out if I want to do a thesis or a comprehensive exam. I’m leaning to the exam, but I don't take tests well, but I have two tries at it so I don't know.

My Current Booklist

FICTION-

General- Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk, I think this is one of those books any male American should read for the sake of better understanding themselves and their role in life.
Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides, A great book that makes you look at yourself and those around you a bit differently, and to respect those you don't understand.
Classics-Slaughter House Five by Kurt Vonnegut Jr., One of my all time favorite books due tot he fact it entertains as well as teaches you to look at war and life and love in some many different was.
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, A true classic that still lives in today's world. so many classics I've read and not gotten a lot out of due to their lack of relating to the modern day, and yet this book still rings true.
Fantasy-The Once and Future King by T.H.White, the single greatest story I've ever read. it deals with the legend of King Arthur, and yet teaches us about war, love, revenge and loss. It will make you laugh and cry and stop to think.
Assassin's Apprentice; Royal Assassin; Assassin's Quest; Fool's Errand; Golden Fool; Fool's Fate by Robin Hobb, the greatest series of fantasy books out there today. it takes two trilogy to tell the tale but when your done you'll never look at fantasy in the same way, and nothing you read after will quite compare to these stories.
Mystery- The Alienist by Caleb Carr- a great story that keeps you interested from start to Finish and doesn't have an obvious enemy from the start.
Western- Hondo by Louis L'AMOUR- The greatest western write with a great tale. much more than cowboys and Indians.
Romance- The Pleasure of My Company by Steve Martin, a great story that is both funny and heart warming.
Comedy- Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris, a hilarious collection of the authors memories about growing up in Raleigh N.C., and he's beginnings in N.Y.
Horror- I am Legend by Richard Matheson, a great tale of vampires and zombies in an apocalyptic world.

Poetry- Cut Off the Ears of Winter by Peter Covino, a contempary poet that speaks for today.
Howl by Allen Ginsberg, a great classic from the beat generation
Paradise Lost by Milton, any poet that can make you weep for the devil is amazing in my book
Walden and Other Writings by Henry David Thoreau, after reading this I almost became a hermit that lived in Alaska.

NONFICTION
Get in the Van-Henry Rollins, a great book based on the journals of the lead singer from BLACK FLAG.
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People by Lenny Bruce, another great book about one of the greatest comics of all time.
A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson, An engaging story about a man that decides he wants to hike the trail from Georgia to Maine.
The Wild Blue by Stephen Ambrose, a great recounting of the men that served in World War II as bomber piolets.
Cod: the fish that changed the world by Mark Kurlansky, a great story about a fish most people wouldn't spend five seconds thinking about.
In The Company of Heroes by Michael J Durant, a gripping story about a modern day POW.
The Knight by Alan Baker, an easy way to introduce yourself to the medieval periods greatest weapon.

Watch Out World

You Are 76% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Ahem

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming. Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

What Type of Weather Are You?

WOw I didn't See this one Coming

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Insane Priest. Where You Lived: Siberia. How You Died: Natural causes.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Sunday Drives to Work

So I’m feeling better, I’m at working doing my duty of one Sunday a month. But this is the last Sunday of the year. Up in the mountains the public library likes to stay open during the winter to give the homeless somewhere warm for a few hours a day. but now that the sun is here for a few months They can stay in their natural habitat like the park and public transportation, and we see that ecology has a plan we simple people can't understand.

Sunday work is fun even if your stomach pains have moved into your chest and you can't breath. Asthmas good for something, lingering sickness.

I found a website a friend introduced me to that lets you take all kinds of quizzes and post them on your blogs and hence the three I did yesterday. I was pretty happy with all of them, but I’m unsure of the U.N., in a way I’m for it but conspiracy theorist in me sees the U.N. as the gateway drug to a World Government, and I don't care what people think I don't want to be in the same government as France. I spit in their general direction.

So to all you fun loving Americans that hate the French more for their snobby hats and tight t-shirts than their radical political beliefs I salute you!

Before I go I have to support my new favorite TV. show. it's on IFC Saturday nights at 8 & 11Pm mountain time so figure that out eastern and pacific people (I won't go into the many times my conversions have lead me to tape a rerun of the Golden Girls instead of the desired show), It's called The Henry Rollins Show and if you don't know who he is you'd better learn.

I'm Getting too into These Quizes

You're a Dragon!

Noble, regal, and highly misunderstood, you're a bit of a loner at
heart. You like caves, the sky, and other vast expanses of air where you can blow
off steam. You and people like you got a lot more respect in the old days, but now
your type only shows up in songs about young children. They're the only people who
really believe in your potential. As long as you believe in yourself, and don't
breathe directly at anyone, you'll be okay. You have a strange liking for string and
sealing-wax.


Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Yeah Baby

You're the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to
completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long
way to go.  You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each
other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of
beating each other about the head and torso.  Sometimes it works and sometimes
it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result.  But your heart
is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

We'll See if this WOrks

You're The Guns of August!

by Barbara Tuchman

Though you're interested in war, what you really want to know is what
causes war. You're out to expose imperialism, militarism, and nationalism for what they
really are. Nevertheless, you're always living in the past and have a hard time dealing
with what's going on today. You're also far more focused on Europe than anywhere else in
the world. A fitting motto for you might be "Guns do kill, but so can
diplomats."


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Earth Day Celebration

I rang in Earth Day by giving up sacrifice to the Porcelain God. Not once but twice and then periodically I sat upon the White God to deliver more sacrifice. Ahhh the joy of stomach pains.

I still went to work sick and for my courage I have been shunned and forced to work in the back back office. I feel like I should be wearing a leper's bell.

I'll keep this short and wish all my many hippy friends a great earth day

Hermit Crabs

The entire time I was growing up as a kid I had pets, dogs, cats, rabbits, ducks, pigs, cows, horses, hamsters, mice, fish, turtles, lizards, igouana( i have know idea how to spell this so hopefully i got close enough so you know what i mean), and now two hermit crabs. You see I have a bit of a curse on my head. I love animals and yet I can't really be around them without getting sick. I have asthma, and very bad allergies, so pretty much everything that has either hair, fur, or feathers I'm allergic to and like horses if I get near them I start having problems breathing. So you can see why I call it a curse. I have a Love I can't fulfill without bodily harm. But my little hermit crabs are good little pets, I admit they don't really give much when I try to cuddle with them but they are fun to hold and pet their legs. They also have very cute eyes. I sometimes wish I was more of the snake type but I'm not, I like them and have held quite a few but in the end they really didn't due much for me. So I'll live a life of hermit crabs and fish.

So one of the things I was hoping would happen didn't. I'm starting Grad. School this summer and because I didn't go in the fall or spring my financial aid allotment should have been big but in the end it'll only cover the classes and maybe the books, I was hoping to pay a few bills, but in the end I still wouldn't have paid them I would have postponed them until after I graduated and my student loans started. In the end things work out for the best.

Matt Wilson

The first real friend I ever made. I was in third grade just starting in a new school after moving in the summer. He was a taller kid and we joked around and had fun in class and got into trouble, it helped that we rode the same school bus. On the weekend we would go on day hikes all over. We lived out of town and so there was a lot of open space that we wanted to see. One place in particular was a lake that was about five miles away from his house and I can't count how many times we went out planning on reaching that lake and every time we would stop at the half way point which was a twenty foot waterfall. Then one day his dad was told they had to move to an even smaller town in Wyoming (he was a preacher for the Nazarene Church). By this time we were in the seventh grade, and very close friends. The news crushed me and so he moved and over the next few years we wrote each other sparingly and even visited one summer. but by the time I was in high school we had lost contact, then right before I left for a two year journey he stopped by my house out of the blue and we decided to make one last attempt to reach the lake, this time we did and if on a screenplay we reached it during sunset. We sat and talked and caught up on our lives, our paths were not the same and yet our friendship was still there. I haven't seen or heard from him since. He joined the air force and so I don't even know if he's alive or not but at the heart of it we're still best friends.

Great Fears and Family Ties

So I grew up in a crazy family like most people. I'd like to meet someone that had a normal white bread family. I digress, one of the many things that I have come to realize is about my family is that we have a bizarre emotional understanding. What I mean is that when I made one of my three sisters mad or they made me mad or hurt feelings blah blah we very rarely apologized and still don't we just kind of forget about it and in a few hours or days we're ok with each other again. So I'm finding it hard to learn how to talk about feelings and how I feel with my wife when she grew up with three sisters and really without parents, so they always talked about that kind of stuff. It really makes a big difference in how we communicate when I want to just forget about it and she wants to talk about every little thing that she feels. I don't know. As I look back on what I've written I sound like the typical guy but I don't think I am.

the point is my greatest fear is losing my family my sisters and mom and dad. Is that awful to say? Maybe because we've spent the whole eight years trying to connect I can say I don't fear losing that, because we haven't gotten anything yet? Now that does sound harsh but I think it makes sense.

I realized why this particular post sounds so harsh, I just finished my second round of counseling and I'm all "talked out" when it comes to feelings, I promise I'm not this heartless I'm just worn out.

Blushing Is A Good Sign It's About You

I was thinking today about some of my stuffed animals I loved as a child. My favorite one I wish I still had today was a sock monkey. I know it was a classic toy of the seventies, but to me it was an original. I wasn't even aware a lot of people had them as a kid I thought mine was the only one up to about the age of twenty. Mine was very distinct I sucked on the tail as a kid and so it was always in a weird shape and a little disconnected from the body of the monkey. I miss you sock monkey

The other real memorable stuff animal I had was a horse that was in the pose of lying down and it was a wind up musical animal. I got it when I was eight and had my tonsils out and a real bad asthma attack so I was in the hospital for longer than normal. My aunt gave it to me and she told me that on her way up here she saw it in the road forgotten and so she picked it up and brought it to me. The story has stuck to me and in away bound me to the horse and when ever I was sad I’d wind up the horse and listen to the song it played as I fell asleep. By the time I was 19 it couldn't play its song anymore but I loved them both.

Sadly my mother was a fanatical donator to thrift stores and so when I left home for the first time around 19 she went through my things and got rid of everything she deemed old and not wanted. And so my sock monkey and wind up horse are hopefully in some less fortunate child’s room keeping them happy and safe.

Rainy Dreams

The last two nights I've gone to sleep listening to the rain hit the roof, it brings to mind.

I can see the individual drops erupting off your body
circular waves spreading out from
the point of impact
falling down mountains
collecting in the valley to pour
on to a plain
converging in a pool, your stomach
I can see you watching me through
eyelashes
as I am propt on elbow
by your side

Head Fumes

I remember well the time I nearly killed myself and many others while working for Burger King (my first job) I mixed in every chemical I could find in a mop bucket and once I added hot water I created a chlorine gas of sorts that caused me to cough up blood and close the joint down for the rest of the day.
well today I helped put on a new coat of wax in the community center at our branch and the fumes are horrible, why we did this while we're open I’ll never understand but it wasn't my choice so needless to say I have a bad headache and won't be writing my planned blog so I’ll see you all on Monday.

The Things I Get Myself Into

So I volunteered myself to work at another branch today. I figured it would look good if I gave an effort to support the team. I walk in to the said branch and it's like an insane circus, there are two story times with about a hundred small children between the ages of 2-4 with their mothers wandering around clueless or just ignoring their children as they base jump from the tops of the bookshelves. It's as close to organized chaos as one can get, and I wonder if I'll regret it? You and I will find out tomorrow.

Today was payday but as usual the money disappears fast with bills and needs. Will there ever be enough? Or do I need to learn to live without it. I've always wanted to live a life of a hermit or monk, and actually there's a monastery near the new branch I work at I wonder if you have to be a catholic to be one or if they'd accept me under special reasoning? I'm going to have to look into it. I wonder if they have a website. Wouldn't that be neat if monks had a webpage? I did hear from our custodian that once a year they get to eat chicken (I guess their vegetarians the rest of the year) they have this big picnic and order a few buckets of KFC. I love their mashed potatoes so I could really go for that.

Photos and Sketches

Why Do we see the need to take photographs? And then we collected them in boxes, albums and send them along to others and yet I don't think we look at them enough to really solidify the memories, I look back at some and I can't remember the event and I can't remember what I was feeling then. I wish I did maybe it would help me now, to know what I should do with the future. Or is that the point we're suppose to make our minds up based on the now, but if that's the case why have a memory even if it is a smoky room. I tired to put my photo on my blog but as of right now I'm not clever enough, so you'll all have to wait a little longer while I try and figure it out. Yes I am assuming there are readers even though I have no comments from anyone. It's better that way. It keeps me on my feet with my shoes on. I'm writing this before I go to work instead of on my lunch break that way my comments are based on my thought more than on my desire to react.

I think I'm going to go on a road trip to texarkana when I finish my masters degree. It will be a week long event of driving and taking pictures and sleeping in roadside motels. I think ahead of the time and it makes the day glow.

Rain Soaked Follies

I Awoke to the sound of rain and thought how romantic it was and I wanted some one to share it with. Instead I came to work to receive a headache and new duties. I'm training for a position that will give me experience I need in my future goal of becoming a librarian, yet it saps my life force from me. I can't complain if I want change I must make it and yet I'm not ready for change. I'm not ready for damnation, a little while yet and my mind and soul might come together to decide. How long can I expect things to last if I don't make a choice soon? That is what I fear will happen and so alone again I'll be. But even alone I'll still hear the rain make it's noises and feel it's chill and just be..

Crushing Ice and Leaves

Post Number Two will be a big hit. They say it always occurs in threes so one more time and if I stop you'll know why. So work again and the morning was a little crazy four of our 11 public computers didn't want to work right and so I tried to juggle helping the patrons and walking back and forth between the computers and the phone. I work at a public library in Utah by the way. It makes me wonder were we are going with all of these technological advances when half the time things still don't work right. My long lost friend would laugh or cry at my words he's been so lost I can't say what he'd truly think but the old friend would give me a tired expression and the roll of the old eyes.
is it me or do you sometimes wish you had a wise old friend that grew a beard and you could ask him random stuff and he'd be real interested in what you had to say and even had advise to give you in return, while he smoked on a pipe.
my love life is disintegrating. I think I like the idea of love more than the actual pursuing it. Maybe that's why my marriage is falling apart. My grandmother recently said after her husband of sixty years or so died. "don't love hard, it hurts too much" and in the end if you've loved hard you are left hurt and alone in the end. Where is she but in a home that's sits empty or full depending on the amount of family that is there and yet for her it will always be empty, without grandpa. So what's the point of finding love and trying to love it hard? So I can be emty and alone and hurting, id rather be empty and alone.

Begin the Begin

With Silence comes the beginning...

First and for most I have nothing really important to say, I don't know if anyone really does, and I don't expect many people to read this so I shall treat it like a little snack bar. I'm on my lunch break that will be ending in about five minutes so we'll see what I can get down in that time. I'm going through a rough time in my life I'm 29 and about to turn 30 and my eight year marriage is in the crapper as they say. Yesterday we started our third round of counciling, boy I hate counciling, but what else am I suppose to do? end it and just kiss it off like it wasn't apart of my life for the last eight years or do I go in there and weep like a small child and hope that fixes things? Yeah I don't know either. Wow this is going to be a big hit people around the world are going to love this stuff but I have to admit it feels pretty good to type away...