My Morning Coffee

I've never been a fan of coffee, and so I’ve come up with my own morning ritual to get the old heart pumping and brain working. All I need to wake-up is a good morning dookie and a few pops of gas. I know I know it's disgusting to say but it's true and here is why.

The morning dookie makes you feel great no matter if it’s solid and nearly tears you in half or a sloppy mixture of things you wouldn't feed a cockroach. The feeling right after it plops into the toilet is great you feel ten to fifteen pounds lighter. And you feel good just doing something to make your body better because face it sometimes exercises isn't appealing and anyone can poo and your body is better without the stuff in ya.

The gas is like the old engines that you had to hand crack to get going. Each one seems to wake you up a little more, and let's face it farting is fun. You might not admit it to anyone but you don't ever get grossed out when you fart.

So after doing both of these things I can usually have a great morning...