Glass Tables and Holding in a Fart

Today has been a day for the history books. It started with me going to an early morning meeting at the main library. It’s great to watch a large gathering of librarians in the morning, first of all their either coming in like zombies because they haven't had their coffee yet or their like Pomeranians with an I.V. of coffee in them. It’s great either way. I also enjoy how when one librarian is giving a meeting all the other constantly correct him it’s like being in a room full of editors. My only problem with the early morning meetings is the fact that I am a man of morning gas and I enjoy my morning gas it's my homegrown coffee if you would. So while everyone can enjoy their coffee or sleep on the back row I’m stuck in the middle with big time back up below. Now I admit that gas for other people isn't as fun so I try and be polite and not release the valves as one might say. oh the pain it brings and the problems, for example while I was a half hour into the hour and a half long meeting I was at the point of either passing out from holding it in or near internal explosion of some kind. To my horror about ten minutes before the meeting ended it went backwards as if it to gave up hope and tried to find its way up and out instead of being more patient. That ruined the rest of my morning from that point on I had an internal rebellion and no gas would pass.
My other adventure today was due to a program in our library system that gives away books to the poor and migrant kids. so anyway we get tons of boxes of books through grants and donations and we have to sort these books so me and another guy were doing this last night and we made organized stacks of boxes based on reading levels so when we store them the boxes are grouped and ready to be used. Well we left the stacks on our big conference table that has a glass top on it to protect the wood. I came in today to put the boxes away and there was a huge crack running half the length of the table. I was freaking out! Those things cost a pretty dime and I was the lucky one that got to tell the library Branch manager, lucky for me she was in a great mood and didn't get made at me for putting the books on the table in the first place.
It’s been a long day and in two hours I plan on going home and drinking a tall glass of cranberry juice...