Days and Weeks

I visited my Grandfather's grave yesterday, it's the first time I've seen his headstone, it was good. I was happy to see it so well taken care of and the American flag by his grave. It's weird visiting a grave of someone I actually remember. I'm pretty lucky to have gone this long without losing someone.

My Pirate Name

Cap'n brannigan Wild-arms, the filthiest hornswaggler that ever swashbuckled this side of the British Isles.

thanks to the website: http://www.geocities.com/savedbypiercing2/name.html

Blush

I want to make you blush,
to see blood rush.
Ruby red mixing in white,
stuck in my head
need.

To see your face,
face the things i want
to say.
The outline of your neck, to trace
with pieces of me.
A need to see you blush,
by the things I want to taste.
Parts to place in place,
voice delight in the touch.

In the end, when it comes,
To feel the heat,
from our friction.
The final feelings of elation,
to know I made you blush.

Waiting on a Phone to be Threatened by a Antelope

The sound of static over the phone waiting to be treated sorely by a fellow colleague, you see I have a bad habit of teasing and harassing but all in good fun well sometimes I go too far and either annoy some people or even hurt their feelings so I have to be careful. well I was teasing this particular colleague that I think is pretty cool and would like to consider a friend but that's a whole other issue of when and even if you can be friends with colleagues. Back to the story at hand, so I like have fun with the said colleague. I gave this colleague a nickname that really wasn't the best nickname if I had thought about it a little, but of course I went ahead and trusted my "harassment" gut and used it well it didn't go off so well. Now I think I might have made my fellow colleague mad so I’m going to have to be really nice and that usually means I have to leave the person alone for awhile. Oh bother, you would think I’d have learned my lesson years ago but of course I haven't.
It’s a lonely road to walk that of a teaser... queue sad music and fade to grainy black and white...

Well not much planned for the weekend that being the memorial weekend. I’ll probably make my way to visit my Aunt and Grandpa's graves and I might also go get my vision checked and get a new pair of eyeglasses. I’ve been totting the same style now for about 12 years so I think I’m due a change. The problem is that I like my current style of glasses the 1950's solid black thick frames. I’ve had different styles of the same concept over the 12 years but all very similar I’ve done the solid black the black top and wire bottom and finally the black top that fades into a clear bottom, all very cool and unique. I’ve noticed that a lot more people have been wearing the style and that's one of the major reasons I want to change. "It's been done" as one of my favorite Poets once said. So we shall see...

Lastly I went to my fifth married counseling session today it was pretty good. I learned about the goldilocks syndrome. People are either the aggressive or passive in relationships. Commonly one person puts forward more effort than the other in different parts of the relationship for example being intimate. So one wants it more than the other and so naturally they pursue the other which makes the other naturally flee. Now if both partners are aware of this then they can learn to live with each other's style for example the pursuer can learn not to push themselves on to their partner so forcefully while the partner can learn that if they give into the other then they are quickly satisfied and then will leave them in peace. Now each person and each relationship has different sized buffers so the key is to find the comfortable place for the two people hence goldilocks not too cold not too hot but just right.
Another thing we learned is that there are different ways of looking at life and relationships one is a day to day approach the other is life time commitment. now of course my wife and I are different I’m a day to day guy and she's a life time commitment girl, but we have to agree to live the same way otherwise neither one will ultimately feel comfortable, wither I’ll feel smothered and pressure to perform for a lifetime or she will feel unloved and neglected because I don't look into the future as much as she does.
So basically we both have to learn to find the just right buffer between us and we have to decide how we're going to look at life and our marriage a day to day deal or a life time/eternal outlook. I’ll keep you informed.

Vortex Bait

So a friend is off to visit the vortexs in Arizona, I've been told they are a healing energy that comes up from the earths core. I wonder if they could cure migraines? I get headaches a lot. I mean one or two a week sometimes more. I think I have a tumor. Wouldn't that be a way to go. Die from brain swelling up till it pops like a ripe watermelon. I could be sitting next to some one on a bus and POP! That would be a story to tell some body. Wouldn't that be great you'd live on in fame because your head exploded, I could be a total shmuck, and still live for centuries because I was the guy that popped.
Hmm...

Glass Tables and Holding in a Fart

Today has been a day for the history books. It started with me going to an early morning meeting at the main library. It’s great to watch a large gathering of librarians in the morning, first of all their either coming in like zombies because they haven't had their coffee yet or their like Pomeranians with an I.V. of coffee in them. It’s great either way. I also enjoy how when one librarian is giving a meeting all the other constantly correct him it’s like being in a room full of editors. My only problem with the early morning meetings is the fact that I am a man of morning gas and I enjoy my morning gas it's my homegrown coffee if you would. So while everyone can enjoy their coffee or sleep on the back row I’m stuck in the middle with big time back up below. Now I admit that gas for other people isn't as fun so I try and be polite and not release the valves as one might say. oh the pain it brings and the problems, for example while I was a half hour into the hour and a half long meeting I was at the point of either passing out from holding it in or near internal explosion of some kind. To my horror about ten minutes before the meeting ended it went backwards as if it to gave up hope and tried to find its way up and out instead of being more patient. That ruined the rest of my morning from that point on I had an internal rebellion and no gas would pass.
My other adventure today was due to a program in our library system that gives away books to the poor and migrant kids. so anyway we get tons of boxes of books through grants and donations and we have to sort these books so me and another guy were doing this last night and we made organized stacks of boxes based on reading levels so when we store them the boxes are grouped and ready to be used. Well we left the stacks on our big conference table that has a glass top on it to protect the wood. I came in today to put the boxes away and there was a huge crack running half the length of the table. I was freaking out! Those things cost a pretty dime and I was the lucky one that got to tell the library Branch manager, lucky for me she was in a great mood and didn't get made at me for putting the books on the table in the first place.
It’s been a long day and in two hours I plan on going home and drinking a tall glass of cranberry juice...

Time Waiting

The Color is a worn out blue... but the sentiment still stands that forever the day will stand and I will not find that purple mountain majestic instead I’d prefer a shaded cave. You scream dishonesty and selfishness. I will not live forever I reply. Firmly in hand I shake the life out of mind and squeeze drops of blood from my skin only to find myself used and disavowed. Mortal octopus’s games and creepy clowns follow above my car as the paper dragon destroys itself to protect me; the verse says it so well I will not repeat it. forward thinking corporations will save me like a mice might save a nut for something or someone special, I haven't found my something or someone she says and I keep thinking I’m here somewhere I stand but I don't even know for sure where that is, if only I was in a buried chest you could find me with a map, but only if it were written on sheep's skin. The modern woman will laugh at ‘em and shake her red hair, I don't know what I did that was so funny but then again it could be the fact that it was me that did it. Sorrow and red lips match my dress so well, it's hard to find one that will complement my shoulders and hairy back but with a little juice and beaky the buzzard I think I could find anything for anyone. so she walks the distance and shakes that plump ass of hers saying to herself for me to hear "you'll never touch it, you'll never taste it, but for now you can look" damn her eyes and mine for the things it sees, damn your eyes all to hell, as I hang in front of you like a 17th century French aristocrat, well at lest it wasn't off with my head and all that. Wandering and wondering the muse's music to play the heart strings like a harp and never to touch or caress but to hold and worship. Have you wanted me to make you my religion? Do you want me to sacrifice myself for redemption? I don't even want that part of me showing in private but you demand it of me in public. Screaming into deaf ears will only make the throat hurt...

Two Months and a Day

Some fun facts I found online thanks to brainyhistory.com, about the day of my birth.
1.1st outbreak of "Legionnaire's Disease" kills 29 in Phila
2."Guys and Dolls" opens at Broadway Theater New York City for 239 performances
3.Christopher Ewart-Biggs, British ambassador to Ireland, assassinated

what a cheerful day it was...

Saganaki Flaming Cheese

That's all I have to say about my time at ULA, saganaki flaming cheese. I loved it for those of you who don't know about the dish. It’s a square piece of Finnish cheese that they pour uzza over and then light on fire at the same time everyone cries out "OOPA!" it was a great experience, and so yes the conference was awesome. I went there to have fun and try everything that was offered I only failed at that one time. I was offered to go to a tea party on my last day, but I don't do tea, I can't make my pinky finger stick out very elegantly. Plus I’m not a big fan of cucumber sandwiches. But I did swim each night between 9:30 and 10:30pm the only time to swim is at night in my humble opinion. And I went on a hike each day. Amazing rocks and terrain. I also ate at new places had some great Mongolian bar BQ. I tried to become better acquainted to my fellow librarians that I work with at the different branches and I met the state librarian who was a little upset that I was taking online courses instead of using the state owned program. The classes and lectures were all great except for one. And I even met two authors that shared some great insight into writing, so yes it was a very productive time. I got a speeding ticket on the way home going 90 in a 75 that's what the ticket says but it was actually 92 and if I wasn't going up hill I would have been going 105 so all in all I can't complain.
Yes sir I do believe I’m going back again next year. I only wish I had time to register for ALA, but I’ll be in San Diego next year so keep your eyes out for me...

The Good Days

so I was thinking about the past as I often due, I think that's what makes me enjoy history I love thinking back even on my short life and retracing steps.

My family was never well off or even comfortable financially, we were always struggling to make ends meet. And often my dad had to work two jobs to pay the bills. I remember one time when I had the chance to help the family and my dad, I didn't get a job and pass the pay check off to my parents but I help my dad with his second job.

His primary job was working for the sheriff dept. and he got a second job as a custodian for the school district. Now depending on his schedule at the sheriff's office we would either go in early in the morning or late at night to clean. We cleaned the school district's offices. Two buildings. Now I didn’t need to help my dad but without me he would have gotten a lot less sleep. And I look at any chance to be with my dad as an opportunity, growing up my dad worked in the oilfields and that meant he was always on call and always gone. I missed many holidays without my dad, and the majority of my childhood without him around. It wasn't until I was in high school that he got the job with the sheriff' office and became a constant fixture in he home, so I loved to be around him.

I remember cleaning toilet and vacuuming and emptying trash cans. But I also remember telling jokes and eating breakfast or getting a pop together, riding in the truck. My dad's not a big talker so a lot of the time was quiet but it was still time together. Looking out into the night or early morning. I had a job with taco time as a closer so it was often the case were I’d get off work around midnight and then meet my dad to clean for a few hours, we'd both be tired but we always had fun together.

The good days...

Oh Charlie Brown Where Are You

The day started out good nice and quiet. Then the third graders came to the library to practice their songs. Why is it that kids can't sound like the Charlie brown gang when they sing, so quiet and soft? These mutant monsters are screaming instead of actually singing. uuugg! Or however you'd pronounce Charlie's sound.

My head is clogging up with green slime.

One of the teachers asked if it was too loud I said yes (was that rude?), so she closed the door and I have to tell you it really didn’t help.

So I’ll be going to ULA next week that stands for Utah Library Association, I believe anyways that’s the gist. I’m not sure what I should wear for the conference, tuxedo, and suit, button up with tie, button up, t-shirt, pants, shorts what’s appropriate? I’ll have to ask either way I’d hate to be too or not enough dressy for my first of what will be many conferences involving librarians. Wow that sounds very exciting doesn’t it.

Yeah librarians get a bad rep. for being boring, know it alls, and well most of them are, but on the rare chance they are quite fascinating.

So from Tuesday to Friday I won’t be writing but I hope to have plenty to tell you on Saturday of next week.

I’ll be sharing a room with two basically strangers their librarians that work in different branches and so I don’t really know them all that well. The room only has two beds so I assume I either have to spoon with one of them or sleep on the floor. That alone will be interesting. I found out as I discussed this particular issue with my boss that girls have no problem spooning with complete strangers. Hmm well that is with women they don’t really know that well. I would hope they wouldn’t spoon with any bum off the street. Well maybe I do?

So I also need to tell you about marriage counseling number four. I have to say this one was a lot better compared to the first three. He talked to us about trying to find out what we really want out of a marriage. That way we can know what we’re expecting our partner to do for us and so our partner knows what to do to make the other happy. It gives me hope that things might work out but then again my pessimistic side also wonders if it’s too little too late. We shall see…

A Month and Three Days

That's how long I’ve been doing this and I have to say I really like it. I use to keep a journal or diary. Diary seems like a girl’s word. Have you ever given words a sex? I’ve always done it, and I don't know if that's o.k.?

Anyways I’ve been writing some sort of record of my life since I was eight on and off, and so I guess logically this would be the next step. So what might be further down the road video blogging or creating a pod? I think creating my own pod station would be a lot funnier then the video. It would be like I had my own personal radio station, but I also have a dream of creating my own pirate radio station. I watched PUMP UP THE VOLUME one too many times I think. Maybe if I was lucky I’d get a dark haired beauty to take off her sweater for me right before the FCC came to arrest me? Hmmm makes me think of all the possibilities.

I’ve learned one thing in life and that is the things you think you really want end up being the things you don't really want once you have them. That is why I’ve stopped wishing for things. I noticed in mythology that when ever someone wishes for something they get it but it always ends up hurting them in the end and in my on life I’ve had some wishes come true that I would have rather not, so goodbye whishing star...

Pimples and Pale Skin

Can you tell me why girls love to pop pimples? I've been married almost eight years and my wife has a crazy fetish of wanting to pop any zit she comes across on my body, now at first I thought it was my wife that had this weird fetish, but I've talked to other guys and girls and they all agree that girls in general seem to have this tick were if they see a zit on a boyfriend or husband they have to attack it and they get a sick joy out of it, why is that?


Pale skin is beautiful; I want to be on record as saying so. I hate it when girl either lay out to get a tan or fake bake I've never thought it looks good. Enjoy the skin your in,oh I think that's a ad for something. Anyways every woman that I know who tans looks more like leather each year, until they reach this point of saddle leather quality. So please please embrace the pale skin you're born with, there's something sweet about creamy white skin that hasn't seen the light of day.

Incase you think I'm some Aryan Skin Head your wrong I truly enjoy those of the NATURALLY darker skin tones. But that can be saved for another day...

My Morning Coffee

I've never been a fan of coffee, and so I’ve come up with my own morning ritual to get the old heart pumping and brain working. All I need to wake-up is a good morning dookie and a few pops of gas. I know I know it's disgusting to say but it's true and here is why.

The morning dookie makes you feel great no matter if it’s solid and nearly tears you in half or a sloppy mixture of things you wouldn't feed a cockroach. The feeling right after it plops into the toilet is great you feel ten to fifteen pounds lighter. And you feel good just doing something to make your body better because face it sometimes exercises isn't appealing and anyone can poo and your body is better without the stuff in ya.

The gas is like the old engines that you had to hand crack to get going. Each one seems to wake you up a little more, and let's face it farting is fun. You might not admit it to anyone but you don't ever get grossed out when you fart.

So after doing both of these things I can usually have a great morning...

The Sleeve of a Poet

I don't think it's such a great mix to be both the type of person that wears his heart on his sleeve and a poet. I’ll explain.

I’ve never been one for the mind games. I had a friend Scott Mehl, who loved mind games maybe because he was so intelligent, but he would play with everyone. It seemed everyone liked it to until someone close to him got hurt. That’s another story. However Scott and I had a different relationship, I didn't play his games I told him how I felt and what I thought about his games. And since that point in my life I’ve never tried playing the games. so when I like a person I try to make it obvious and when I don't I also do try and hind it, unless it might cost me my job then I avoid the person as much as possible so I don't have to play the game. Now this might not seem like a big deal but when you're a poet it can be confusing.

When I write poems they can be about me or about anyone. They can be love poems to no one in particular and they can be about someone. It confuses people because I am pretty open with how I feel. Sometimes people think I’m writing about them or me and that person in a poem. The truth is unless I openly say this poem is about us or how I feel about you then it isn't about them or us. it gets confusing because people will say something or write something to me and I’ll like what they say and use it in a poem and then the person reads it and thinks the poem is about them when all I did was take a line or two that inspired me and created a poem with it. When in my mind the two things aren't related.

I hate mind games and try so very hard not to play them, but in the end I think even if you're not trying you can unavoidably play them so to warn any future events please know that unless I tell you the poem is about you or us it isn't.

Perfect example the poem I put on my blog Saturday isn't about anyone. I was simply in a great mood because it was raining and it was Friday and I was listening to one of my favorite albums on the way to work and I was inspired to write that particular poem. And if you listen to the Pixies 'Doolittle' I think you'll be able to tell that was a direct ode to that album.

Until the next ranting have a rainy day

I'm Thinking About Something to Write About but This isn't It

It's a sunny Sunday afternoon about 18 minutes before we close and the town decided to come for a visit. I'll be making the closing day's announcement in two minutes and begin to count the money out for deposit. I forgot to do my press releases for the newest news paper that will be coming out on the 15th, I typed them up quickly and I hope they'll accept them and print them otherwise I might get in trouble on Monday. Well it's time to do the announcement so I'll post you tomorrow.

A Rainy Friday Immersion into Doolittle

Friday’s fighting like hell,
to create heraldry crest like no other.
But the rain is hot,
hot honey on those lips.
My tongue is a ground
to air missile,
trying to find a target amongst
those molars.
What is a boy suppose to
do, when those hips shake
so well. The music
is the bell,
that Pavlov held.
Out comes the hooded Russian,
in the puring rain.
The Kremlin will fall, to those
damn hips.

Headaches Behind the Eye

I have one of those headaches that I can feel behind one eye, and my neck is sore. It’s all due to bad posture I’m sure. Can guys have bad posture? you always hear girls saying stuff like that but I’ve never been around any guys and one bubba say "hey you think I got bad posture?" it's just never happens, and it's funny how you don't see as many old guys with those humps on their backs and all bent out of shape like you do with the older ladies.

I wish I could take a vacation from my head every once and awhile. Just to get away from your thoughts, maybe that's why people smoke crack? Anyone got any crack?

I have a friend I haven't heard from in awhile and I have to say I miss my friend
Well for that matter I have a few friends I miss
But for right now there is just the one I miss more than the others

I don't have a real high shelf life for a friend is that a reflection on me or do I have bad luck? Two to three years is about as long as they come and then they fade away. Is that normal? Or do I have really bad breath?

My History in Music Volume Two; In Comes Sorrow

"Finger Licking Good", remember the rules, enjoy.
Picking up where we left off
1. Japan pt.1
2. Crazy Mary, Pearl Jam- this is another song that reminds me of my good friend Justin from Seattle.
3. Near Wild Heaven, R.E.M. - IO had to get a job for Prom, I wanted to take Julie and I needed cash in a bad way. The only job I could get was at Burger King. I started working a few months before Prom so I could save up in time. I didn't like the job but the other employees were mostly fun to work with and my job was to close so a lot of my shift was when the store was closed so we played music while wee cleaned this is one of those songs.
4. Everyday People, Arrested Development- so I asked Julie to the Prom and at the time we were just friends so she didn't know I liked her. when I asked her she started to laugh at me, naturally I left the class a little upset, after a few friends talked me into asking her again I did and she laughed at me a second time, that was it for me so a little heart broken I went my way a day later she come up to me and told me she didn't realize I was being serious so we went to the prom. This was the first song we danced to together.
5. Drown, Smashing Pumpkins- June 6th Julie went back to Cali to spend her summer she promised she'd be back in the fall. Needless to say I was crushed so the summer was a downer for me then on sept 6th Justin deiced to go back to Seattle. I also found out that Julie wasn't coming back so once again I was alone and this song talks all about that.
6. Half a World Away, R.E.M. - The two most important people in my life were on the West Coast and it felt like a world away.
7. Black, Pearl Jam- when I found out Julie wasn't coming back I felt like I had lost my chance to tell Julie how I really felt about her and I was never going to be able to, this was a dark time for me to have had my first love and lost it so quickly.
8. Japan Pt.2
9. Today, Smashing Pumpkins- I had signed up for the Speech/Debate Club soon after the Prom so I could have a reason to spend time with Julie. Funny thing is she didn't come back that fall so I was left with the choice of either dropping out of the club or going for it. I went for it and loved it I meet many new friends and we spent all our time together on school bus traveling across the state of Wyoming and staying in hotels it was a great time for me. When ever we stayed in the hotels the only channel I watched was MTV I didn't have it at home so I loved it, I even left it on when I went to bed. Several times during the many nights I would wake up randomly and watch a video this was one of them.
10. Don't Tell Your Mother, The Sundays- So my arch enemy Davis Moore had the same idea that I had you see he was technically Julie's kind of boyfriend before she left and so he signed up for speech to spend more time with her in the fall to and we had antagonized each other and almost got in a fight when she was still here so when we saw each other we were cautious but soon we dropped our guards and became the best of friends. And this is another song that reminds me of those times in speech.
11. Beercan, Beck- I’m a loner by nature and even when I had all these new friends I still liked to spend some time alone when we got to the hotel I’d take my walkman and go walking around the hotel and listening to songs like this one.
12. Mountain Song, Jane's Addiction- the next two songs and bands remind me of Davis, the last best friend I’ve had. It’s weird how men who hate each other often become best friends; I loved Davis's funky style and way of living.
13. My Lovely Man, Red Hot Chilli Peppers- this song is Davis this song is Me This is our song, there's a line in the song that really describes both of us as we often went to dances together, "I use to shout across the room to you and you came dancing like a fool." we both loved dancing and he had a way to make it his own and yet had a class to it I was more the bill cosby on crack kind of dancer.
14. Pictures of you (remix0, The Cure- Scott Mehl introduced me to the Cure and help mold my life because of It. we had a unique friendship most of his friends admired him because of his high intelligence while I liked him because he was fun to hang out with.
15. Sometimes, Jesus and Mary Chain- this is a good a fade out song between Davis and Scott and their relationship together and with me as a trio.
16. Feed the Tree, Belly- The Manwhore Andy Tyler was a good friend of mine. He had a love of the female lead singer and so all the music I think of when I think of my friend is by women. We meet in speech and even did a few things together mostly one act play but I think we also did a comedy act to.
17. Labor of Love, Frente- Andy was younger than me and so he kind of looked up to me so our relationship was always a little uneven, but he had some good times our first rock concert together was Nirvana.
18. The Walk (everything mix), The Cure- This is one of many songs I listened to when I walked Evanston, wy. Yes it's small enough to walk in one afternoon.
19. Man on the Moon, R.E.M. - when I went walking it was mostly alone except for my trusty camera.
20. Japan Pt.3

This is not the end....

Ramblings

against personal belief the tired man flew from spot to land in a deserted field that felt ribbon cool and tired expressions pent up belief in a god that did not allow child to become sacrifice for cultural expression but instead lead a life of grace than isn't found on anything but 50's televise ice boxes the cold isn't what is making me shiver and I will not stand next to a monkey to prove I am not related to the species of man and the wanderings of Darwin just because he was seasick and tried as hard as he could to find excuses to stay on land instead of going back on that damn beagle. ever onward the captain says to the student as she learns from her back and kneels to all the false beliefs of professors and English students abroad but I am not your broad I am a man and a vulture and I am tired of being alone on this telephone pole. I will not give in to my feelings because every time I am left further from the truth and belief that someone else gives a damn when no one gave a damn I hate this gut retching spirit I ate at birth on my way from the warm wet dark to the cold dry light I want it back the feeling of security I want it back to hell with personality I say the clowns and the frowns I see on all of your faces to the grave of communist have gone looking for their skulls and mixed messages of half belief and gathering the remains of Stalin only to leave them on the alter of political press releases for the greater good the security of a nation that has killed it's own and the Americana on my shelf has never meant so much to me as they did the day I found them in a burnt out house next to a melted radio that will play no more Chaplin or Pete fountain so dance to the swinging music of velvet curtains and French lounge acts so damn the brigade and mix your own drinks my burnt apples and roly polies will sing and ring their own tunes but I have stood too long and the drink will never come back from my lips to taste the sweet tonic that will cure your memory loss and that babe suckling has choked on golden keys I will give you my last breath if it would mean I didn't have to convince you of who I am and what I mean to you I will never mean as much to us as he does and I would still fall to your feet before you if you would only stop long enough for me to catch my breath.

My History in Music Volume One; A Musical for the Masses

Before we begin let's remember the rules 1. Play it loud 2. Shake your butt 3. Nod your head

Let’s begin
1. Batman theme- this is one of those life memories watching the TV, ever since I’ve been a fan of the man
2. Fortunate Son, Credence Clearwater Revival- this is a song that represents my father and his taste of music, my early life was influenced by my parents taste in music like any good child
3. I am a Rock, Simon & Garfunkel- this one is my mother's style even though she's mostly a country fan I don't have any dolly patron or Kenny Rogers.
4. Anytime, Patsy Cline- this one goes out to my grandparents on both sides their are fans of the old style country, and I have to say so am I
5. America, Neil Diamond- this is the first song that I remember thinking I love this voice and due to my patriotism I also loved the message
6. All Shook Up, Elvis- this is my first and favorite singer of all time. From elementary to middle school he was all I listened to.
7. Forever Your Girl, Paula Abdul- she is my first crush on a singer, I think that's the only reason I even listened to the music but for a short time my freshmen year I really liked this cd
8. Smells like teen Spirit, Nirvana- this song changed my life it was big enough to break into the small town of Evanston Wy. It rocked my head like a blender and I loved it I loved it so much unknowingly it changed my life, the first time I heard it was in the summer before my junior year, right before I went to Alaska to visit family.
9. Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash- this is the song I remember most during the long drive to Alaska in the back of my grandparent’s r.v.
10. This is Shangrila, Mother Love Bone- the beginning of my new world sounds like this. While in anchorage I spent all my time with my older cousin Michael Jordon. He had died his hair black and broken up with his girlfriend, he was about five years older than me and had this wide range of music I had never heard of in my small town mind. He spent most of his time driving around and listening to music that blew my mind wide open.
11. Hunger Strike, Temple of the Dog- this song was dedicated to Andrew Wood the singer of Mother Love Bone who died of an accidental overdose on heroin. It was also the first time I heard the melodic voice of Eddie Vedder and I had my first homoerotic moments as I heard his voice.
12. So Far Away, Social Distortion- another group Michael introduced me to, my first punk band and still the best.
13. Why Go, Pearl Jam- I loved his voice as you know and I love the fact that the songs not only rock your world they tell you about the world we really live in.
14. Would?, Alice in Chains- after returning home with a list of bands from my cousin to check out I went hunting and found the next three on the list. I love how this particular song opens.
15. Dollar Bill, Screaming Trees- another great band that is still great to listen to, I love his deep voice my second c.d. I ever bought as I made my transition from tape to cd. Mother love bone was the first it came in the long cardboard boxes.
16. Head Like A Hole, Nine inch Nails- ok so besides being a song that introduced me to industrial genre it also says my name right before the singing begins if you listen carefully to the chanting at the very beginning. They scream my name three times and then Trent comes on and starts singing.
17. Wish You Were Here, Pink Floyd- the major events of my junior year were trying to not get killed by the cowboys and jocks for being different and the other major event was finding my first love, Julie Christensen. During the course of our time together she made me a mix with this song and the next on it. So now I can't hear them without thinking of her and this one in particular would foreshadows things to come.
18. Possession, Sarah McLachlan- I loved hearing this song on a mix from a girl I liked and I have yet to have this happen to me (what the song is about) but a guy can still hope.
19, Wave of Mutilation (U.K. Surf Mix), The Pixies- the next most important person to me in my junior year was Justin from Seattle, he helped me learn to develop my own sense of style and taught me a lot about music. He was also the first close friend I had since the seventh grade. He didn't mind getting harassed by the cowboys and jocks along with me. This song reminds me of the times we would go to his house for lunch and eat gas station burritos while he and his dad got high.
20. Over the Rainbow, Judy Garland- I can't say I like the movie but this song can still make me smile and at times come to the edge of tears, its a great song.

To be continued in volume two....

Pass it Around

My boss called in sick yesterday due to heavy vomiting and I have to wonder if she caught it from me, as you know I was puking and still went to work, is that some form of biological terrorism?

Well I don't have a lot to say except that I’ve been working on a history of my life in music, creating mixes that reflect my life; it is both enjoyable and painful. I can look back in verse and melody to hear the joys and triumphs next to the heartbreak and loneliness, I’ve always been a fan of music and the power it holds, much like smell. You can catch a whiff of something and be sent to a place and time you vaguely remember otherwise. So to music transports me to point of clean straight lines in my mind. I just finished volume two the beginning of my high school years and wow! All I have left to do is write the legend to decipher the map I’ve made. And the artwork. The first volume has a cover of a mixture of photographs, so this one needs to be different and something that reflects the mood of my soul at that particular time in my life. I think I’ll post the mixes on my blog.

So until that time I’ll speed away fast because that's the only way the city lights look right.

Happy May Day

I almost forgot to wish you all a happy may day.

remember to put out the hearth fires and lay flowers on your door and windows to keep those mischievous fairies at bay

and take a dance around the may pole for me

A Third Charm

So I’ve been meaning to tell you about my third visit to marriage counseling. We had to feel out our family history both physical and mental I guess he wants to know if crazy runs in the family. I hate filling out these kinds of forms and sadly I’ve done it before. The way I look at it he's trying to find a reason for me being so messed up meaning what my parents did to me as child. Well I have a basic news flash I don't go in for all that blaming the parents crap unless they left marks from the beatings or they sexually messed with you or verbally messed you up. And the verbal is very iffy.

I don't know I don't like to think I have so little control over my mind even at a young age. I don't know I don't know all the answers I just don't want to spend my time hating my parents for how they raised me.

So he talked about the wife's history and just a little counseling over all. The thing I wanted to talk about that's still bugging me is this, "I don't think you’re (me and my wife) personalities match enough that you'll ever be able to be real close, but I think I can help you make it work enough to be happy" what the Hell does that mean?!

What’s the point of going to a counselor if they can only help us get close enough to be happy but not real close. Isn’t that the point of being married! To be the closest with that one person and be happy. To be able to be everything with that person and not have regrets? I don't want it to "work" I want it to be great and wonderful and happy. I don't want to settle and from how I look at what the counselor is saying is we're settling even if we are happy, but how can I be happy about that. I don't want my wife settling for me when she could have so much more with someone else.

I sometimes wonder if this is going to help or if he's knows it's doomed and he just wants to milk some money out of us.

I sound bitter but I’m just a little disappointed and I was hoping for more.

Until the next flip

Who's My Rival

I have to say that I hate taking a new position when you have to work with the person you in affect replaced, I’ve had to do this twice now in my working career and both times the person has this grudge that is taken out on me, what the hell I didn't do anything to take the position away from them so why do they have to go after me. It’s big time annoying, especially when I try to make changes and they fight me every inch because I want to do things different from the way they did it. But obviously if they were doing it the "right" way then they would still be in that position. Anyways it's a frustration. I'd like to be able to learn a new position without the old person hanging around to argue every point.

Enough of that

I got Pearl Jam's new album this weekend, I pre-ordered it and for once the mail delivered something early. I won't give it away for anyone that reads this that might care, but it's a good one, I believe it will rank up there with their top ones. Great mix of tempo and melody and plenty of foot tapping will ensue.

It’s the beginning of a new week and so I must say that I want it to be a good one. I’m not sick anymore and so I got that going for me as well as great tunes to listen to.

Last pop culture mention - United 93 was a good film but it could have been a lot better. They didn't give any background on the passengers so by the end when they die you feel bad for them but it wasn't a tear jerker like I thought it did because I didn't even know their names. So it's a good film to watch but then you need to do your own research to learn about the people who died to save the capital.