My History in Music; Falling to Stand Up Volume Three

It's been awhile sorry.

1.Weinerschitzel; The Descendents- If there were one song I put on nearly every mix I ever made it would be this. A great song that always makes me smile.
2.Dingo
3.What's the Frequency Kenneth?; R.E.M.- This is one of two albums I listed to more than any other in my senior year on High School. From the moment I played this CD I loved it and it makes me want to shake my ass.
4.Animal; Pearl Jam- The second greatest album of my senior year, I remember getting up early and driving to school during the winter, it was so cold that the tape player in my truck played the whole first side of the tape slow, just before I got to school it started sounding normal.
5.Perfect Blue Buildings; Counting Crows- this is Joe Nuss, my first friend after I got back from Alaska and anything off this album makes me think of him.
6.all apologies; Nirvana- the end of my senior year Kurt killed himself and it affected my life at the time I was also thinking about suicide and it almost seemed inviting when he did it.
7.Let Me In; R.E.M.- a tribute to Kurt and a great song about not belonging and feeling guilty for it. It touched a chord in me I still feel.
8.power
9.Detachable Penis; King missile- This is Carolyn, she was the flirt and main girl in my group of friends, she and Andy dated for awhile, but she flirted with all of us. After Andy broke up with her she hung out with me and Davis a lot more. Soon the two of them got close, she always liked the funny perverted songs.
10.Ballon Man; Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians- The first "funny" song that I really loved that still had a goofy message but at the same time it helped me not to take life so seriously.
11.Radio Friendly Unit Shifter; Nirvana- this is my second favorite Nirvana song and it reminds me of two things, graduated High School and my first rock concert seeing Nirvana live will always be a great moment in my life especially after the fact he killed himself soon afterwards.
12.Closer; Nine Inch Nails- During the summer after I graduated I was still lonely and missing Julie. I went my senior year without a girlfriend out of some form of loyalty. Davis thought it was stupid and Carolyn loved the challenge to try and take my virgin lips. So the two of them conspired against me and one night after a group party they took me for a drive. We parked near a park and Carolyn told me she wanted me to do whatever I wanted to her. After 18 years any boy would jump at the chance and so we began to kiss and soon Davis joined the mix, he lifted her shirt up and I saw my first real live breast. It was magical. I went home a virgin but my lips didn't.
13.Big Time Sensuality; Bjork- it was nearing the end of the summer and I was working at Taco Time, when a friend came in and had the biggest grin on his face, which wasn't abnormal for him. I smiled back and then she walked out from behind him and I was hit by a semi. Standing infront of me was JULIE! She had come back even if she was a year late. I gave her a hung and couldn't speak, Nathan was all laughs. We made a date to meet the next day.
14.Ring of Fire; Social Distortion- She had come back to goto the UofU. I went to her house at about 6 am and spent the whole day together and the next couple of days together. I wasn't going to make the same mistake and told her how I felt we spent as much time as we could together before school started. We shared our first kiss one night after I worked in the parking lot of Taco Time.
15.Unhappy Birthday; The Smiths-john was julie's boyfriend when she came to town, they didn't last long, but I hated him until she left and we became friends, never really close but we had fun. We talked often about the pain she had caused us. This was his song for her, I'd adopt it soon.
16.Satan's Bed/Already in Love; Pearl Jam- I would goto SLC as often as I could to visit Julie once she started school. This album came out about the same time and I would listen to it while I went to classes with her.
17.Self Esteem; Offspring- Julie told me often about her abusive boyfriend back in CA and how this song reminded her of their relationship. Once again I soon adopted it.
18.Lounge Act; Nirvana- This is my favorite Nirvana song. It fits perfectly for what happened next in my life. Once Julie came back it was like blood in the water. Six of my friends that I knew and trusted, who had all spent time with me as I talked about how I felt towards Julie, during the year and a half while she was in CA. These same six friends all attempted to get romantic with her, while me and Julie were together.
19.Losing My Religion; R.E.M.- My closets friend and the one that hurt the most that went after Julie was Joe. He knew better than the rest and he still went after her and did it openly. After one party where the two of them spent the whole time alone they came to me for a ride back to her place. The nerve, but of course I said yes. The three of us got into my truck and the first song to play was this one. It was the first time I realized what the song was about. You need to know that the phrase "losing my religion" is a southern phrase that means at the end of my rope or wits end. I have never been betrayed like I was then. The only thing that hurt me more was the fact that Julie didn't try and discourage any of them. I would later end my friendship with them both over this night.
20.Big Long Now; Nirvana- it was worse now then it had ever been my best friend had betrayed me and my girlfriend, my first love had not been honest with me or even monogamous she was having a relationship with seven guys at one time. I felt like a fool and felt alone, I fell into a dark deep pit. I had given Julie my ring and now I wanted it back so I called her and asked her to find it and I'd come and get it. I met her at the door of her house, a door I spent many wonderful moments passing through. She opened the door and I held out my hand saying nothing, she put the ring into my hand and I walked away I've never seen her since.
21. Country Feedback; R.E.M.- This is the saddest song I've ever heard it still affects me like no other song can. It brings me to that dark place every time I hear it. Soon after I lost my friends and Julie my first love my depression worsened. For two years I was beaten down to a fragile shell and my one hope was my first love and friends. Then those were lost to me, they acted as a catalyst that took me all the way to the bottom. I found myself in my room one day after hunting with my dad. In the corner was my rifle and pistol. I took the loaded handgun out of it's holster and pulled the hammer back and stared down the barrel, looking into the dark. I took one last look around my room looking for a reason not to pull the trigger. I saw my crate of poems and knew if I killed myself no one would really know why I did it because no one would be able to read my handwriting, so I decided to wait until I typed up my poems before killing myself. During that process I got some help and by the time I had finished I didn't want to kill myself anymore.
22.Fight; The Cure- Lucky for me I soon found help by going to a shrink and talking about my problems and why I didn't want to live anymore. One of the major factors besides the shrink was my friends Scott and Davis. Scott had made me a mix with this song on it and it gave me hope each time I heard it.
23.Hairless